Score: 10

"HAHA OH WOW"

submission: The Adventures of Hitman

date: February 13, 2009

This flash was so awesome, I secreted semen from my eyes.

Score: 4

"Somewhat good idea, bad gameplay."

submission: V-tech Rampage

date: May 16, 2007

Yes, I do know about the VTech shootings, but I am not offended by this game. I can see that the creator has tried to make a a very politically and emotionally offensive game, but the game play is so bad, well, this game is not worth noting.

Review Breakdown:

Graphics-7
The usage of is sprites seems like the games visual atmosphere likens to an 8-bit game, but the sprite animations seems a bit slow when it comes to matching the character's walking speed. All the character's faces looked the same, even when they were in a "panicked" state. They all shared the same emotionless facial expression, making the game seem, dull, to say the least.

Style-6
The game is nothing more than a top down shooter, with the basic premise of a "complete these objectives" style of gameplay. The controls, consisting of the arrow and the "a" and "s" keys, brings this game down to the level of simplicity that it has. Unfortunatly, with other games using mouse aiming controls, offering weapon switch, reloading, and action keys, this game really does not feel original.

Sound-5
Not the most interesting sound track to be worth mentioning here, gun shots were uninteresting, and the voice acting(?) is pretty shoddy.

Violence-5
Now for a offensive game, I would have expected to see ultra-violence in this game, be able to execute an unarmed person while he is begging for his life on his knees, hold others hostage when the police were trying to kill you (yes, this would have made the game more open ended and turn it into a "Re-create VTech anyway you like" game,) but alas, it was nothing more than a walk up and shoot the guy game.

Interactivity-3
The game play in this game just downright sucks. All you have to do is kill everyone and find a unknown way to clean up the bodies. When I played the game, after firing one shot to kill Emily, I only found a few characters running around, while others just stood around, oblivious to the situation that was taking place. Even purposely missing a few shots did not send them running. After killing everyone, I found there was no way to get rid of the bodies, and searching through the buildings shown no luck. The introduction was also too long, there was way too much text to scroll through, and no way to skip it. Needless to say, this game is frustrating.

Humor-1
I really don't know if anything that had poor voice acting(?) or the grammatically incorrect sentences were supposed to be funny.

Overall-4
The game has a somewhat good concept, but was marred by poorly done game play, uninteresting sound, and frustrating objectives, due to a lack of a way to get rid of the bodies.

Score: 8

"Okay this is eas-HOLY CRAP THE SCREEN MOVED!"

submission: Retron

date: February 16, 2007

Upon starting the game, I thought this was going to be easy. The controls were simple, and I noticed that my score was increasing every second I survived. After about 5 seconds, the screen started morphing, changing, moving, etc. The graphics, look like a Geometry Wars style game. Sound, not so much noting.

4 out of 5.